Scientific Evidence, ACOG, and Celebrities Say, ‘Yes!’ to the Notion of Hiring a Doula


Scientific Evidence, ACOG, and Celebrities Say, ‘Yes!’ to the Notion of Hiring a Doula
If you are an expectant parent wondering if you should hire a doula, then this article is for you.
Word broke a few months back that Meghan Markle may use a doula for the upcoming royal birth. This report led many to wonder what a doula even is and if maybe they should use one as well.
Aliza Bancoff, founder and director of the International Doula Institute, says a doula is a, “professional support person trained in the needs of the family during pregnancy and childbirth.
“The doula offers non-judgmental support, guidance, evidence-based education and practical hands-on support during childbirth including comfort measures. Doula originates from the Greek word meaning woman servant.”
Reasons The Royal Family Might Choose to Use A Doula for Childbirth
Hiring a professional doula is a newer concept to many and yet, the use of continuous labor support is not new at all. In fact, in past generations, many women have given birth surrounded by other women with the knowledge and skills to support them through their experience.
Back in time, when birth took place in small villages, in the home and surrounded by grandparents, aunts and other family members, many possessed the skills to provide continuous, caring support to laboring women.
Fast forward to current time and many of us have very little to no experience with birth before going into labor for the first time. Many couples may have a mere few hours of childbirth preparation classes, but often do not truly understand how to best cope during labor and make clear and useful decisions, especially about when intervention is necessary.
Doctors, nurses and midwives provide excellent medical support and our partners know us well and play a major role in supporting women through labor. However, a doula can provide professional, continuous labor support to both the person in labor as well as their partner.
The Duchess of Sussex hasn’t confirmed reports that she is using a doula or explained why she would choose to do so, however, we can assume she is looking for continuous labor support since the evidence shows that having a doula:
  • Reduces the likelihood of medical intervention
  • Lowers the risk of c-section birth
  • Increases the likelihood of a reported positive birth experience (how a person feels about their birth experience, regardless of specific birth outcome)
  • Supports breastfeeding initiation.
Through the process of working with a doula, Ms. Markle can feel confident that she has someone present with the sole purpose of providing her with ongoing emotional, physical and practical support. Midwives, doctors and nurses provide exceptional physical support, however their primary role is to ensure a medically safe birth for both the mother and baby. This leaves less time for continuous support as they manage their clinical role.
Evidence for Continuous Labor Support
Birth is a very natural process, and yet it is a process that is also unpredictable in nature, especially in a time that offers a vast array of medical interventions at our fingertips. A doula can never guarantee an outcome in the birthing process, and yet, evidence shows that having a doula present and offering continuous labor support during birth has many benefits.
The World Health Organization (WHO) recognizes the importance of maternal child research and recently shared about a Cochrane Review comprised of 26 randomized controls including more than 15,800 women.
The WHO reported, “The authors found that women who received continuous labour support were more likely to give birth vaginally, and had fewer caesarean, forceps or assisted vacuum births. In addition, women were less likely to use pain medications, were more likely to be satisfied with their birth experience and had shorter labours. It was also found that newborn babies were less likely to have low ‘Apgar’ scores – a test for the vital signs of health and well-being in infants. No harms of continuous support were identified.”
While more research is needed, given the lack of risk associated with continuous support, and the many potential benefits, it makes a lot of sense for Duchess Meghan to consider using a birth doula.
What The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) Say About Doulas
The ACOG works to compile research, look at the evidence and then make recommendations for the OB/GYN providers across the US. The recommendations they provide are intended to increase positive long-term birth outcomes for mothers and babies while reducing adverse birth outcomes.
Reducing unnecessary medical interventions are an important topic for ACOG since this improves outcomes over time. (This is not to be confused with interventions that are medically necessary).
ACOG released Approaches to Limit Intervention During Labor and Birth, a committee opinion. They wrote, “Evidence suggests that, in addition to regular nursing care, continuous one-to-one emotional support provided by support personnel, such as a doula, is associated with improved outcomes for women in labor.”
With the high rate of c-sections in our country, reducing the primary c-section rate is now a public health concern. There are times that c-sections are truly medically necessary, and yet, our current c-section rate in the US is nearly 50% higher than the WHO recommends.
For this very reason, new research is required and official recommendations are released to help reduce the rate of c-sections. While there are several guidelines and evidence, ACOG included continuous labor support as one positive and effective method to reducing c-section rates.
ACOG’s Safe Prevention of the Primary Cesarean Delivery says, “Published data indicate that one of the most effective tools to improve labor and delivery outcomes is the continuous presence of support personnel, such as a doula. A Cochrane meta-analysis of 12 trials and more than 15,000 women demonstrated that the presence of continuous one-on-one support during labor and delivery was associated with improved patient satisfaction and a statistically significant reduction in the rate of cesarean delivery. Given that there are no associated measurable harms, this resource is probably underutilized.”
Both the WHO and ACOG recognize that continuous labor support, such as that of a professional doula, is an evidenced-based method for reducing the likelihood of birth interventions and increasing the likelihood of positive outcomes.
Celebrities And Birth Doulas – Let’s Look at who is using them
If you want to experience birth like the Duchess of Sussex, choosing a midwifery attended birth and perhaps a birth doula might be a good option for you.
Celebrities tend to have more access to top services across brands and topics and yet, with all the resources they have access to, one valuable service they often choose - hiring a doula - is available to everyone.Everyone can choose to acquire a professional that offers continuous labor support to improve the birth experience and health outcomes.
Below are just a few examples of celebrities who have chosen to use birth doulas:
  • Kelly Ripa
  • Mayim Bialik
  • Erykah Badu
  • Kristen Bell
  • Nicole Kidman
  • Jessa Dugger
  • Tamera Mowry-Housely
  • Alyson Hannigan
The list of celebrities that have used birth doulas is actually quite diverse. It crosses cultural, economic and religious barriers. The list above includes people who are famous for various reasons and are known for vastly different lifestyles. A birth doula isn’t just for one type of person, or even one type of birth. The celebrities listed above could have made any birth preparation and yet they still chose to include a birth doula in the process.
Birth is a singularly unique experience. While a doula is not a medically necessary part of a birth journey, evidence, respected health organizations and of course, the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle as well as many other celebrities agree that using a birth doula does make a whole lot of sense.




It’s a Good Time to be Pregnant in Philadelphia: A New Pain Relief Option for Labor Will be Available Soon!

It’s a Good Time to be Pregnant in Philadelphia: A New Pain Relief Option for Labor Will be Available Soon!
Main Line Doulas provides doula support to many women who decide to welcome their babies at The Birth Center at Lifecycle Woman Care. Recently, The Birth Center at LWC announced that they had expanded availability for the spring of 2017.

Now, The Birth Center at LWC has even more good news: starting this spring, they will be offering nitrous oxide as an option for pain management during labor.
As per The Birth Center at LWC’s recent Facebook announcement, nitrous oxide is a safe, easy, and comforting form of relief. They will be one of the first places in Philadelphia to offer it as an option for laboring women. We hope that more providers will soon follow their lead!
NPR recently reported that use of nitrous oxide (commonly known as laughing gas) is on the rise in the US . Although it was prevalent use in the early 20th century, it fell out of favor as more potent forms of pain relief became available.
It can be a great option for women who want to avoid an epidural. New mother Amy Marks recently used it when she gave birth to her son, Ethan at South County Hospital in Rhode Island. She reported that it “really took the edge off” of her contractions. Her nurse-midwife, Cynthia Voytas, describes its effects like this: “It gives you a euphoria that helps you sort of forget about the pain for a little bit.”

Nitrous Oxide “gives you a euphoria that helps you sort of forget about the pain for a little bit”.


Here are a few things to keep in mind if you are considering using nitrous oxide during your birth:  
  • It does not reduce pain. Instead, it gives you a sense of euphoria and will help you feel relaxed.
  • It leaves the body quickly. Although it will pass through the placenta, and into fetal circulation, it’s gone as soon as the baby takes a couple breaths.
  • Since it has been used regularly in Europe, there is data to show that it’s safe.

This is a great option for anyone is seeking a natural birth, and we are excited that it is now available to mothers in the Philadelphia area.

Bryn Mawr Birth Center Expanded Availability this Spring 2017!


Did you know that one of Main Line Doulas favorite places to provide doula support is at The Birth Center in Bryn Mawr?! 


Well, we just found out some great news – The Birth Center at Lifecycle WomanCare is welcoming more birth clients for Spring 2017!

From the Birth Center:
Are you or someone you know pregnant and expecting in the late Winter or Spring 2017?   We are excited to inform you that we will have expanded capacity at that time! Please share this news with friends and family and have them give us a call to find out if the Birth Center at LWC is the right fit for them.

Come be a part of The Birth Center/ LifeCycle Woman Care (TBC/LWC) family and experience the personalized approach we bring to pregnancy, birth and postpartum care. Let our home be the place where you welcome your new little one for the first time. 

For more information, please visit www.lifecyclewomancare.org  or call 610.525.6947


Our doulas offer wonderful gifts of love, empathy, and support to new parents this holiday season.

We talk a lot on our blog about the amazing gifts you’ll give to yourself when you hire a doula. However, the care you’ll receive as a birth or postpartum doula runs much deeper than that.
The very foundation of what we do as doulas is to provide love and support. By registering for doula services, you will gain access to our loving, caring team  that will shine brighter than the lights on Christmas tree or the candles on the menorah. As we help nurture our clients while they bring their new baby into the world, you will, in turn be supported in a solid foundation of love as you become parents.

Having a new baby can be a chaotic time. Although our doulas do many things to help your clients – from providing comfort techniques as a birth doula, to perfectly organizing a nursery as a postpartum doula – they may not necessarily remember them all. What you will remember is how your doula made you feel: safe, validated, and supported.

When you have a doula, you will remember how much your doula loved you and your baby.

It is our hope that the families we support will carry this love and empathy with them for a long time. It all starts as a tiny seed that we nurture from the very first time we meet with you. As a new mother welcomes her baby into the world, with our gentle guidance, this love will grow and bloom like the petals on a poinsettia.

We hope to give our clients a gift that will last forever. Having a baby is an emotional time, and by offering new moms and dads the genuine support, empathy, and love that only a doula can offer, we are changing lives.

Nervous about labor? Join me on a 30 minute conference call!

Nervous about labor? Wondering how you will handle the intensity of contractions and birth of your baby? I'm going to make it really simple. Sign up now for Comfort Measures for Childbirth, the abridged version.


Join us on a 30 minute call on Tuesday November 17th at 1pm EST to discuss relaxation techniques and comfort measures for childbirth. I will talk for the first 30 minutes and then we will open it up for Q and A after that. Don't worry, you'll be on mute the whole time so you can be doing other things while you listen if you need to. And if you can't make it, the recording will be available afterwards.

Just $24!

Click here and you will get a link to the conference call shortly before start time!

BONUS: Sign up by Sunday 11/15/2015 and get our exclusive PDF, Comfort Measures for Childbirth FREE with registration, a $25 value.





Postpartum Kale Fritatta


Postpartum doulas make delicious nutrient dense whole foods for clients
 What better way to nurture the newly postpartum mom as she is physically and emotionally recovering than to help her build a new foundation of health for her own body and her baby. During pregnancy, as moms, we want to do everything to take care of our growing baby. So we take our prenatal vitamins and we paste the list of unsafe foods during pregnancy on our refrigerator door. We skip the sushi, pass on the glass of wine, we eat our fruits and vegetables because we know that by nurturing our bodies, we are nurturing our baby and setting them up for a foundation of healthy living.



As a postpartum doula, I love cooking delicious and nutrient dense whole foods meals for new families. When I train new doulas through International Doula Institute, many student doulas are often surprised that meal planning and cooking are included in the scope of practice, but when I explain why, they realize that it's actually a no brainer.

As expecting moms, we get praise everywhere we go, strangers congratulate us, hold the door for us, tell us we are glowing and ask what we are having. Yet once we give birth, instead of telling us how we are glowing, they look down at the baby, give the baby all the praise.

This is why making sure that mom is eating healthy meals is so important.  The nutritional needs of the newly postpartum mom are something to be very aware of. The Ayurvedic tradition considers the postpartum period a time of physically rebuilding the body and they say that it actually builds the foundation for the rest of the mothers life.

Postpartum Recovery Recipe

This is a delicious meal to make as your first breakfast home from the hospital. Is it very restorative.

 Kale Frittata

Ingredients:
Part one:
Half a bag of frozen chopped kale
Half a cup of frozen onion(or fresh, I just prefer frozen because fresh onion hurts my eyes!)
1 tbsp butter or olive oil
1 tsp-ish of salt
1 tsp-ish of garlic

Part two:
6 eggs
2tbsp half and half, milk or cream
1/4 cup shredded cheese

Instructions:
1)Preheat oven to 350.

2)Combine all ingredients in  Part One into a frying pan. Let cook for 10 minutes until tender, stirring frequently.



3)In a separate bowl, combine Part two ingredients: eggs, cream and cheese, mix well by hand.




















4)Then pour eggs into the frying pan and mix together very quickly.



5) Place frying pan into the oven for 5 minutes or until firm.



And Voila, it's done! The whole thing only take about 20 minutes to make. I like to serve it with a sweet potato for added nutrition and sustenance.







Carnitas Recipe

newborn doula newborn care carnitas recipe


Thank you to our wonderful postpartum doula, Cathy lee, for this great recipe that is very easy for the newly postpartum mom.

It's November already...

I cannot believe that November is already here! November in my home means the start of

crock potting on the regular. It also means this year planning Bobby's first birthday! People

were not kidding when they said it goes by fast. I have always been a big fan of the crock pot

since I am usually pretty busy but adding a baby into the chaos of life, the crock pot has become

even better. Sometimes I make a meal in the crock pot that is just for that night specifically,

other times I like to throw something in there that can be used in at least two meals. So this

blog post I will share with you a recipe for delicious, healthy carnitas that can be used two ways

and cut your time in the kitchen down!



Things you will need:


 4 lb pork shoulder

 4 garlic

 1 tablespoon salt (use 1 Tsp if your are cutting down on salt)

 1 teaspoon cumin

 1 teaspoon chili powder

 1 teaspoon pepper

 1 teaspoon oregano

 ¼ teaspoon cinnamon

 ½ teaspoon cayenne pepper(optional)

 1 teaspoon of chipotle powder (totally optional)

 juice of 2 limes(if using artificial lime juice, just use a tablespoon)

 ½ cup orange juice

 12 ounces beer (regular or root beer)

 ½ cup salsa (or taco sauce, but my favorite is less chunky salsa)



** If you are in the first few weeks of nursing, do not worry the beer cooks out!

-First up dice up the garlic. Leave some cloves a good size to shove into the pork shoulder. Take

the pork shoulder and cut random slits to make pockets for some cloves of garlic. Shove garlic

in the pockets you make.

-Liberally rub salt, cumin, chili powder, black pepper, oregano, cinnamon, and cayenne all over the

pork shoulder. Place pork shoulder in the crock pot and sprinkle the diced garlic around.

-Add all the liquids into the crock pot, cover and  set crock pot on low for 8 hours.

After the 8 hours you can shred the shoulder in the crock pot, on a cutting board, or personally in a

kitchen aid mixer (for a minute with the dough hook attachment.)

How to eat the carnitas

With your fingers or a fork because they are that tender! Kidding, serve up the carnitas with

some tortillas & fresh lime juice. Feel free to make a side of Minute Rice for a side.

Now how to use your leftover carnitas for another meal night? My personal favorite is to throw

it on a bed of egg noodles and veggies! Cook up some noodles and steam up a quick thing of

veggies and dinner number two is done!

*Carrots, broccoli, green beans, corn, and peas all steam up quick and easy!

If you are not a fan of pork, substitute the pork shoulder with large chicken breast. About 5

large chicken breast are equal to a 4lb pork shoulder. The chicken will shred just as easy and be

just as delicious!

If you tried the recipe, send your thoughts or how you served it! I love hearing the feedback

and getting new ideas!


Happy slow cooking!

-Cathy lee

Exton Babies R Us Expo

Main Line Doulas is excited to be participating in the annual Exton Babies R Us Baby Expo! See you on Saturday December 12, 2015 1-3pm in Exton. It will be a great event for first time moms/families as well as experienced expecting moms!

Celebrities and their Doulas


A doula is not only for those super hippie earthy crunchy types of people. New moms hiring a doula in Philadelphia has been gaining popularity for some time. And Hollywood is doing it too. Doulas are often hired by super stars. So what exactly is a doula? Well, the word doula originates from the ancient Greek word meaning, “woman who serves” and that is exactly what a doula is, a woman who serves hardworking women through their glorious pregnancies. They are trained professionals that provide informational, emotional, and physical support.


So, who exactly hires a doula?

Well any pregnant motivated individual would benefit greatly with a doula. That is why doulas are trending amongst many celebrities. Here are some women that see the value in hiring a doula.



Alanis Morissette hired a doula:

 Multiple Grammy Award-winner, as well as singer/songwriter. This talented women expressed to WebMD Magazine that, “I have an amazing midwife, and I’m using a doula. But we have a backup plan: I’ve called all the doctors and we’ll be ready if something should happen”. Luckily, the deliver went smoothly thanks to the help of Morissette’s doula and midwife.




Kelly Ripa hired a doula:


Actress, TV producer, and the co-host of Live! With Kelly and Michael. She was also named by The Hollywood Reporter as one of the most powerful people in the media in 2012. On Live! She said that, “We used a doula with the second pregnancy…we did breathing exercises, we focused on things, and we focused on getting Mark (her husband) out of the room.”






Rebecca Minkoff hired a doula:

 Designer known for her luxury hadbags, apparel, and accessories. On MailOnline.com she empowers women to be “free to focus on welcoming your baby into the world”




Molly Sims hired a doula:

This model and actress told FitPregnancy, “I have a doula, Lori Bregman, creator of Rooted for Life, to help me during birth”



Alicia Keys hired a doula:

Incredibly talented Grammy Award-winning actress told The Sun that giving birth, “was bliss and a real miracle to be part of… And I really believe that (a) new day started the day Egypt (Alicia Keys’ son) came into the world”





Nicole Kidman hired a doula:

Kidman is a lovely Academy Award-winner, superstar, and wife of musician Keith Urban. On The Opera Winfrey Show, she described her birth as “extraordinary” and “easy”.



Idina Menzel hired a doula:

She was the star of the Broadway musical Wicked and a Tony Award- winner. Her husband, Taye Diggs of the show Private Practice said on Jimmy Kimmel Live! That the doula “basically told us everything that was going to happen before it was going to happen, because regardless of all the books that you read, for me personally, when I’m in the moment, I forget everything.”


January Jones hired a doula:

She was famous for playing Played Bety Draper in the TV show Mad Men. Jones said that, “I have a great doula who makes sure I’m eating well, with vitamins and teas, and with placenta encapsulation”. Yes, you read right, Jones even got her placenta encapsulated. Now that is dedication!




Tia Mowry-Hardrict and Tamera Mowry-Houslely had doulas:

Together, these sisters starred in the hit TV show, Sister, Sister. Now Mowry-Hardrict is staring in Instant Mom. She told CBS Los Angeles that, “I had to go right back to work two weeks after giving birth.” As for Mowry-Housley, she is the author of the book Mama Glow and said that, “I taught her (Mowry-Hardrict) about all the lifestyle changes she should make to ensure a healthy baby and delivery… I helped her with tools in relaxation, meditation, and even breastfeeding support. She had a great birth.”



Alyson Hannigan hired a doula:

 Actress on How I Met Your Mother, Hannigan told Celebrity Baby Scoop blog that, “I had a midwife, her assistant, and doula”. For her second birth, she said, “It will be the same this time”.



Erykah Badu is a doula herself:

Badu is a singer, songwriter, actress, and a doula herself!!! She explained to Babble.com that, “I had all my children naturally. I had a very wise doula and midwives giving me the freedom to continue living my life. By the time I had my third baby, childbirth seemed a very natural part of me.” As you can see, Badu was so inspired by her support that she became a doula! What an amazing woman.





Emily Deschanel hired a doula:

 Deschanel is an actresses from the show Bones. In a FitPregnancy interview Deschanel told the reporter that, “I am a total hippie, so we will co-sleep and breastfeed. My mom breastfed me for more than a year and I can’t imagine doing it any other way.”


Jamie-Lynn Sigler hired a doula:

Sigler is famous for her role as the teenager Meadow Soprano on The Sopranos. She revealed to People that, “My doula told me, ‘Let’s prepare our minds for the level of pain we’re expecting and double that and what we want to do if that happens’ But I wasn’t scared of childbirth, I think because of my doula.”



Lisa Loeb hired a doula:

This singer/songwriter and actress posted a guest post on Celebrity Baby Blog on People, Leon stated that, “My doula, who is one of my best friends, came over to the house at 3 a.m. to confirm I was indeed going into labor and we caravanned to the hospital.”


Joely Fisher hired a doula:


 This gifted actress is a star of Til Death and Desperate Housewives. She explained to Ellen that, “I decided to have her (her baby) at home and to have a lot of friends around, and of course my father was there” she continued to describe her list of people she invited to the birth. These include, “the doctor, the doula, the midwife, the butcher, baker, and candlestick maker.”



Diane Far hired a doula:

 Famous for the shows Numb3rs and Rescue Me, Far told People that her doula, “guided me throughout my pregnancy” and she also said that, “I was afraid to not be in a hospital, but I wanted to labor at home under the guidance of a doula as long as possible”.





So as you can see, so many beautiful, independently minded women are hiring doulas to assist their pregnancies. So what is stopping you?




Works Cited


Roth Port, Dina, and Sherry Huang. "Celebrities Who Love Doulas." Parents Magazine. Marideth Corporation, 1 Jan. 2014. Web. 5 July 2014. <http://www.parents.com/pregnancy/giving-birth/doula/celebrities-who-love-doulas/#page=10>.

Bryn Mawr Hospital Maternity Fair 2015

Saturday Oct 24th, 2015 was the date of the Bryn Mawr Hospital Maternity fair and boy was it fun! Thanks to all the families that came out to this nice event. And thank you to the other vendors for help making this such a great day. A special thanks to LifeCycle WomanCare(also known as The Birth Center) as we had our vendor tables next to each other the whole day and had a fun time chatting! Thank you to Bryn Mawr Hospital and Main Line Health for inviting us.

Growing as Doula All about Newborn Sleep with Erica Desper


What is the number one question I get from clients?

 

 "Can you help us get our baby off to good start with healthy sleep habits?"  
Yes we can! And we are always continuing our education on this subject. Last night, expert sleep coach Erica Desper of Confident Parenting spoke to our doula team on that very topic. Please learn more about Erica's sleep consultations here: http://beaconfidentparent.com/


Left to right: Erica Desper, Doula Mary, Founder Aliza, Doula Brittany, Doula Cia, Doula Wendy and Doula Samantha































What a FUN event we had last night!! Here are so pics from our fun night together, growing as doulas continuing our education. Thank you ladies for your AMAZING DEDICATION to your craft.

That's part of what makes us the very best doula practice in the entire greater Philadelphia area.











Postpartum Doula Mary and Birth and Postpartum Doula Cathy

Doula Wendy with her sweet baby Sammy


Erica Desper, Sleep Coach at Confident Parenting






Parents Magazine Interview


Aliza Bancoff, Founder of Main Line Doulas and International Doula Institute interviewed for September 2015 Parents Magazine on coping with Pregnancy Anxiety.

"When I was approached for the article, it was a real privileged. I am so happy that this topic is receiving such wide coverage and I hope that this will give more expecting moms the opportunity to learn about the value in creating a postpartum plan." says Bancoff

Click here to learn more about the Main Line Doulas Postpartum Planning Sessions



















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Main Line Doulas partners with Babies R Us to bring you the Baby Expo

Main Line Doulas is honored as always to be participating the the annual King of Prussia Babies R Us Baby Expo! See you on Saturday July 25, 2015 from 1-3pm. It will be a great event for first time moms/families as well as experienced expecting moms!

Meals to Freeze as you Approach your Due Date

So, your due date is slloooooooooooooowlllllllly approaching..... In a past blog post I wrote, I talked about the fun things to do in Philadelphia to try to pass the time. This blog post is also about passing the time.... and this time we are cooking. So you get to pass the time and do something super productive in the processes, have a bunch of meals in the freezer, ready to pull out when you have your newborn and can't cook.
Doula Louise cooked this beauty for a client the other day.

Here are 4 great recipes you can make and freeze:

1) Herbed summer squash pasta bake

 

2) Slow Cooker Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal


3. Stewed Beef, Tomatoes and Okra


4. Sweet Potato and Black Been Empanadas


By the way, did you know that our postpartum doulas cook meals for you along with all their other tasks????


Click here to learn more about our postpartum doula services!

 

Main Line Doulas interviewed for WHYY's The Pulse Story on Birth Support




Listen in today to WHYY's The Pulse about the evolution of childbirth support! Reporter Taunya English interviewed our team member, DawnStar and client Colleen as they share their story of support.

To listen via podcast, click here:

http://www.newsworks.org/index.php/thepulse/item/82567-evolution-of-birth-


What if Your Baby isn’t Healthy? Getting to Acceptance and Hope




When you find out you’re having a baby, you are usually scared and excited all at once! Whether the baby is expected or not, it’s scary but exciting to become a new mom/dad. Many parents start to think about what that child will be like as a baby, growing up, and even what their future might be like when they are an adult. Sometimes you really want a girl or a boy but often people say “I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, I just want it to be healthy!” Sometimes they are lying- they secretly want a boy. Or a girl. But usually they really do mean they want the baby to be healthy. No one wants an unhealthy child. But what if the child is “unhealthy”? What if the child is not “normal”? Then what?
Often parents don’t find out their child has special needs until months or year after he or she is born. Sometimes parents find out while pregnant, however, such as if the baby’s condition shows up on a test or ultrasound. Sometime parents find out when the baby is born with some defect right away. Whenever you find out about a “difference” about your child you were probably not expecting it. Whether you find out there is something “different” about your child sooner rather than later, it’s still usually surprising, and often devastating. New parents aren’t expecting any problems usually, and when they find out their precious new baby is going to not be healthy or normal, they are usually very disappointed. Which makes sense, considering it’s not the ideal and it’s usually quite unexpected.

Surprised to go through the Stages of Grief
Many people might not expect to go through all the stages of grief and loss like you would if you lost a baby to miscarriage or stillbirth, or infant due to SIDS, etc, however often the reactions and feelings are quite similar to someone’s who lost a child. Parents might be shocked and confused why they are feeling such loss when their baby didn’t pass away, and they might feel bad knowing other people have lost their children but they at least have one even if the child has special needs. You might feel guilty because you know you love your child, yet by being upset about their condition you feel like you are denying him/her to an extent. Parents go through grief because the loss is not of a child, but of an expectation. They feel their child may never live up to the parent’s expectation of their potential that they had hoped for, and that is why they must grieve. Grieving is important, so we can get to Acceptance and Hope.
The Kubler-Ross stages of grief and loss, so often noted for bereavement, can be applied to this situation as well. The stages include Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance. Often parents don’t believe the child’s condition- whether it be mental health, cognitive, developmental delays, medical fragility, sickness, deformity, genetic conditions, etc to be real at first. They might want to see several doctors, they might try to get all the information they can online or from specialists to try to explain it away or find a way to change the situation. Parents often isolate themselves, feeling no one understands my child or what I’m going through, or it’s too hard to explain why my child looks or acts different. They might feel shame that their baby is not “beautiful” in the expected ways of the world or that their child is not “normal”. Parents might feel jealous and upset seeing everyone else’s “perfect” children and so keep themselves isolated so as not to feel that way by seeing other babies. Often parents will be angry- perhaps at God- why did you do this to me?, to my baby? Or at the doctors- why didn’t they tell me? Or why didn’t they do anything? Or even at themselves- I should’ve taken more prenatal vitamins, I shouldn’t’ve rode that roller coaster while pregnant, etc. 



The Bargaining stage might look like parents going after every kind of intervention and help their child can get such as taking the child to every doctor, specialist, early interventionist, treatment clinic, etc to try to make whatever is “abnormal” about the child go away.
Parents are often grieving which can cause some depression, and postpartum depression can play into this as well, and when they feel they should NOT be grieving, or that they are “bad parents” in some way, or blame themselves for situation, it just causes depression to worsen.
What we want is to get to Acceptance. And Hope. Whether child lives or dies, is healthy or unhealthy, is not up to the parents for most part. Parents can, and should, get as much help as possible for themselves such as mental health therapy, support groups, reaching out to family and friends. Parents should get help for their child as well such as Doctors, Early intervention, etc. too, however it’s important to not worry so much about getting that child to “normal” in comparison to peers, but rather to get that child to be as healthy or as functional as possible for him or her. Develop a “New Normal” or Adapted Expectations. What that will be for your baby will vary greatly from child to child. Everyone is different and everyone develops in their own pace. Some people develop faster and further than others. Children, especially babies, have so many milestones to reach, but instead of focusing on what they “should” be doing or what their peers are doing, if you have a special needs baby, just focus on being happy that you have that child, that you were blessed with someone who needs some extra love and help from you, and embrace the special needs parents identity and community that comes along with it. You will find that you will feel less grief and depression, but rather much hope and acceptance, and even get to the point where you will celebrate difference perhaps. Your child will be happier for it, and you will too.

Patience Domowski, is a doula with Main Line Doulas. She is also a licensed clinical social worker and does behavioral therapy and private behavior consultation for children and parents with special needs such as autism, ADHD, anxiety, and depression. She also works with babies 0-3 with developmental delays in Early Intervention.