Things Never to Say to a Pregnant Woman in Philadelphia
Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love has many many thousands of women pregnant at any give time. So let's practice what NOT to say to them! Having recently been a pregnant woman for the second time, I’ve heard my fair share of unwelcome comments. Most notably someone chiding my husband that he might need to cut the doorways in our apartment bigger so that I’d be able to fit through them (and as you’ll see below, rule number one is to never comment about a pregnant woman’s weight… ever). For whatever reason, some basic rules of courtesy seem to fly right out the window when people are talking to a pregnant woman. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but consider it a guide to help you avoid some faux pas when chatting with your pregnant friends or relatives.
Was it planned?
Asking
if a pregnancy was planned might be taken to suggest that you
disapprove of it for one reason or another. It also digs a bit too much
into a couple's private life. Let her keep the personal details
personal.
Are you sure you aren’t having twins?
Unless
twins run in one of the expecting parent’s families, stay far away from
this question! What you’re really saying by asking this is: “are you
sure you sure you’re not getting too fat?”, and asking that question
would never be okay.
Are you sure you're not due sooner?
See
explanation above - this is another question that is subtly commenting
about the mom-to-be's weight. Even when they’re pregnant and know their
bodies will be growing, women still don't like to have their size called
into question.
Are you really pregnant? You look so small!
On
the flip side, while this may seem like a nice compliment, a pregnant
woman may also begin to worry that something is wrong because not
gaining enough weight . I guess what I’m driving at, in a nutshell, is
that you should just stay away from any questions or comments about a
mom’s weight. Leave any judgment regarding her belly being too big or
too small to her doctor or midwife.
Can I touch your belly?
Basic
rule of thumb, if you have to ask, it's probably not okay. Even worse:
actually touching her stomach. I'm sure you don't like random people
touching your stomach, right? Hands off the pregnant lady!
So, you're hoping for a boy/girl, right?
If
a mom already has a boy, people tend to assume that she wants girl, and
vice versa. It can be a touchy question. Sometimes women do long for
one or the other and are worried about being disappointed if they have
the opposite (and may be scared to admit it). And, usually, the woman is
having another baby simply because she wants another child regardless
of the sex. Either way, this question gets old fast.
You can't eat/drink that!
There
are so many (sometimes confusing) rules about what women can and cannot
consume during pregnancy. Most of the time, the mom-to-be is well aware
of the rules and has already made an informed decision about how they
want to follow them. Calling them out for enjoying a deli sandwich or a
sip of wine will, at best, annoy them, and at worse, make them feel
attacked.
Get all the sleep you can now...
I'm
not sure why we, as a culture, tend to lean towards regaling pregnant
women with the worst parts of our birth stories. It's not exactly
helpful to make women terrified of having a baby - especially when
there's obviously no going back. Let's make a pact to change this and
lift women up by encouraging them with the most wonderful parts of our
labor and delivery and work to create a culture of beautiful births.
Telling pregnancy and birth horror stories
I'm
not sure why we, as a culture, tend to lean towards regaling pregnant
women with the worst parts of our birth stories. It's not exactly
helpful to make women terrified of having a baby - especially when
there's obviously no going back. Let's make a pact to change this and
lift women up by encouraging them with the most wonderful parts of our
labor and delivery and work to create a culture of beautiful births.
